Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Adolescents - Brats In Battalions - Triple X 1986

Rikk is Bakk!!

But now Frankk is gone! And Casey!? What happened to Casey!? My childhood dog was named Casey. He was a good boy. And he lived til the ripe old age of 17, long after I'd grown up and left home. Remember that time his blindness prevented him from sensing a low-hanging branch, so he stabbed himself in the eye and spent the entire night crying in pain, fear and isolation (being also deaf by that point) before being euthanized the next day? My father does! Often!

Frank has been replaced by yet ANOTHER Agnew (Spiro) and the new drummer is Sandy Hanson. Ha ha! No no, I'm kidding! Spiro Agnew served as the United States' Vice-President under Richard Nixon from 1969 through 1973! Then he joined the Adolescents in 1986.

Things first things: this aren't your Father's Adolescents. Although gallons better than the Maladolescenza of Welcome To Reality, Brats In Batallions doesn't sound a bit like the young gang of whippersnappers that recorded Adolescents half a decade earlier. In fact, some might argue that this midtempo metal/pop/punk band should have renamed itself "Young Men"! Ha ha! Do you get me? I'm a fascinating riddle! Also, singer Tony blew his voice out in The Abandoned and has returned with a scratchy-throat rasp/growl that sadly often comes across as a Metal Dude who can't sing. His hair's too long too, HIPPY!

I apologize for calling attention to your plump hips.

The main problem is that the band didn't write enough new material before entering the studio. As such, they were forced to fill space with (a) re-recordings of all three Welcome To Reality tracks, (b) two cover tunes, and (c) a shitty two-chord song dating back to their earliest demo. This leaves only seven new compositions -- five of which are honestly fantastic songs! It starts strong, with a diverse quadruple-shot of great material (killer '70s rock riff at punk speed "Brats In Battalions," Government Issuey emotional rock song "I Love You," growly anti-Reagan punk-metal "The Liar" and a VASTLY improved re-recording of trudgey metalloid "Things Start Moving") and ends with a turbo-speed Stooges cover and the brilliant goth/punk/metal/Spanish/jazz construction "She Wolf." Unfortunately, of the seven 'middle' tracks, ONE is any fucking good at all.

Yes, "Peasant Song" is a lake of shiny harmonic bliss hidden deeply within an overflowing landfill of dopey pop-punk and awful metallic shit. And there has never, in the history of the verbalized noise, been a worse cover version of ANYTHING by ANYBODY than this version of "House Of The Rising Sun." Gross raspy voice, post-lame harmonica, lead "blooze" riffs - it stinks!!! Even after they switch to Ramones speed, it still stinks!!! And this is "House Of The Rising Sun" we're talking about! What would Eric Burdon say!? I tell you one thing -- it'd probably be incoherent. He's an alcoholic.

Also, I can't help but notice the seXXXy misspelling of 'Libya' in the lyrics sheet ("Watch the skies light up in Lybia tonight"). On a related note, did you see that MTV has a hot new movie coming out called How She Move? Good old urban culture, and its illiteracy.

If you have and love the first Adolescents album, I hate to say it but there are enough good songs on here to warrant a purchase too, if you can find it cheap enough. You may want to gouge out the middle half of the album and stomp on it, but the intro and conclusion are pure musical ore!

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